Talk to 5 people today
The year was 2015, and I was visiting Berlin with my friend Lyn. She would go on to move there, but at the time we were both job searching after our batch at the Recurse Centre and visiting the city for fun. She had probably done more solo travel than me at this point, and one day she shared a simple rule of thumb: have at least 5 conversations outside your head each day.
The rest of the conversation is very hazy, but the rule stuck with me. I spent the rest of that year working remotely, often travelling on my own, and noticed a huge improvement on my mood and general mental health on days when I followed Lyn's advice.
I found that if I was spending a lot of time alone I'd get caught in my inner monologue, and that made me more prone to feeling alienated. Having a few random conversations with real humans throughout the day always brought me back to the experiential world. Whether it was small talk in broken english with someone at a food stall, or a phone call with a friend, human interaction generated a stronger sense of connection with reality. While I was travelling in South East Asia this reverberated into a more vivid experience and general sense of awe for the places I was visiting.
10 years have passed (!!) and I still think about the 5-conversation rule as some of the best advice that's been given to me. This week, I've brought it up to at least 3 different people who came through 1RG events, but in the context of the Space as an antidote to technological isolation.
I've been thinking a lot about how technology is woven in my everyday life and the consequences that it has on my experience of the world. Some of this thinking is unoriginal: most of the technology I use is extracting some value from some basic aspect of my life while at the same time being just convenient enough that it's hard to let it go but really not that great (see Cory Doctorow for a much more eloquent description of the degradation of our digital lives).
When I wear the lens of the 5-conversation rule I see that every little bit of conveniency that technology brings me, also takes away an opportunity for a conversation outside my head, and by proxy takes me a step away from being present in the real world.
Every time I order food for delivery, I am not calling a phone number and telling a real human what I'd like to order; I am not walking to the restaurant to pick up said food, which means I don't have to speak to anyone in order to identify my order, and I certainly don't have to wait for it to be ready, which might result in more random conversations.
Every time I shop online, I am not being asked if I need help finding what I'm looking for, and if I picked the wrong size I can't ask anyone to help me find the right one. When I stream a movie at home no one wishes me to enjoy it, and I do not have to share my space with a bunch of strangers.
All of these are missed opportunities for human interaction. Even if they're small and superficial, and might seem irrelevant, they all add up to add more vibrant color to my day-to-day life. Of course there are many cases where it's not just about conveniency, and being able to walk to a shop or a restaurant is a manifestation of privilege in and of itself, but if you can take these actions, then why not?
Next time that you're picking up a device to fulfil a need or a desire, think about the 5-conversation rule: how many humans have you talked to today? Consider having a conversation outside your head instead, and let that reconnect you to the world around you.
